“When dealing with people, remember you are not just dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” – Dale Carnegie
Living in a fast-paced world brimming with unending clashes – conflicts – that test our patience, and as the pressure of rising daily responsibilities and challenges heighten, emotional intelligence becomes the light that illuminates our path and the thread that stitches the fabric of our relationship and interaction with others. This is a crucial skill that greatly influences our thoughts and experiences and shapes the trajectory of our success in life.
Being emotionally intelligent simply means having a good awareness and understanding of, not just our emotions, but other people’s emotions at any given time, and being able to manage and control them. This encompasses a wide range of factors which include;
- Self Awareness
Understanding and acknowledging our feelings and their influence on our thoughts and behaviour. A friend of mine went back to school to finish up a particular process she had failed in the previous years. Unaware of the fear lurking within her heart, she found herself getting into conversations with people she ordinarily shouldn’t and wouldn’t have been talking with on a good day. But as soon as she could uncover and acknowledge the fear propelling her thoughts and actions, she started her walk to freedom. Sometimes, we get so caught up with life that we pay little or no attention to the ticking bombs within us – the mounting irritations and conflicts – until the explosions come. - Self Regulation
This simply means having a control over our self. It is the ability to put a healthy rein on our emotions and not allow them overstep their bounds. It is our ability to say to our emotions, “Thus far and no farther.” It’s okay to be angry. But our anger should be confined within a constructive limit. The Bible says “Be angry; but sin not” (Eph. 4:26). While it’s alright to be excited, it’s also crucial to confine our excitement within a reasonable bound, otherwise that could be mistaken for some sort of psycho-socio disorder. - Self Motivation
This is setting our emotions right and utilizing them to pursue and accomplished our goals with great zeal. We can harness our emotions by steering them in the right direction for better impact. This is also the ability to rise beyond our feelings of discouragement and pains and be able to do what’s necessary to do with great determination. Beyond recognizing our feelings, being emotionally intelligent requires us to encourage and motivate ourselves. Quite alright, we all need encouragement from others at certain points in our lives. But sometimes, this doesn’t come, and we should be able to encourage ourselves at those dire moments just like David did (1 Samuel 30:6), even when everything around us looks discouraging. - Empathy
Emotional intelligence requires understanding, not just our feelings, but also other people’s feelings. This is taking our eyes off ourselves for a while and recognizing and sharing other people’s feelings and experiences. This genuine interest and response to other people’s feelings stirs up compassion within us and moves us to express our kindness. Life is not all about us; reaching out to others fosters true relationships and deeper connection.
Social Skills
Emotional intelligence is about navigating the tapestry of personal and interpersonal conflict to build and maintain healthy relationship through effective communication. Frequent conflict with people is only an indication of emotional illiteracy. Because, social connection requires a good understanding of our feelings and those of others at each point in time, and being able to navigate these through effective communication.
Emotional intelligence plays vital role in our relationships. Recognizing and understanding other people's emotion facilitates a deeper connection with one another; we're able to build trust and develop an open heart and communication, selflessness and a sense of moderation which help us maintain meaningful relationships.
In navigating through conflicts, emotional intelligence arms us with the ability to remain calm and listen attentively even under pressure, as well as give constructive responses. As Ryan Holiday writes, “What’s happening on the surface of the water doesn’t matter – it’s what’s going on below that will kill you.” Emotional intelligence ensures we maintain the right temperature beneath this water of personal and workplace relationships so we can get along really well with ourselves and with others and accomplish our goals.
“The only way to change someone’s mind is to connect with them from the heart.” – Rasheed Ogunlaru
So, how can we acquire this skill?
- Regularly assess your emotional responses to situations and note how they affect your interactions with others. One of my leaders would tell us, “If you get caught up in an altercation with someone, ask yourself, ‘Why am I angry? Why did I respond the way I did? How did I contribute to this conflict?’ By the time you’re done assessing yourself, that would help you know where you got it wrong and be able to make amends.”
- Seek feedback from your trusted friends on how you respond to situations and communicate with others. This would help you know where and how to work on yourself.
- Be empathetic. Listen to others. Understand their feelings and perspectives. Try to find out and understand why they respond the way they do. Be kind. Be supportive.
“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” -Theodore Roosevelt - Learn to manage stress. This is very important. Understand your stress triggers and if possible, minimize them. Know when you’re stressed and when to go for that personal retreat.
Finally, whether a leader, a business owner, a student, a classroom teacher, a parent, a mentor, a spouse, emotional intelligence is not a ‘nice-to-have’ skill; it is a must-have, if we hope to achieve meaningful relationships and career success. It is a prerequisite to having a healthy society.
About The Author
