ASK THE BOSS EDITION 26

Poser of the Day

Introduction: Once again, I return to attempt to help at least one more member of the ASK THE BOSS family. Good to have all of you join us. This platform addresses socioemotional dilemmas faced by you and me. Next, let’s hear it for one of us who has written in.

2.0 First though, can I take out a little time to thank The Pinnacle Times for not only accommodating the column but also ensuring that it never fails? The appreciation also extends to you, lovers of ASK THE BOSS, for your ever-presence. Now, let’s make welcome our guest this week. Dear Ms. Mary Ekpenyong, who wrote in from Uyo, Akwa Ibom state, you have the floor.

3.0 The Entry: ‘The Boss, a friend of mine came back from Ondo state heartbroken. According to her, she had been playing house with a man she fell in love with for the past five years. In those years, she had a series of abortion because her lover was not ready for family. Apart from this, she sacrificed financially for him.

4.0 ‘But, it was shocking when her man travelled back to his home state purportedly for a relative’s funeral only to come back and inform this friend of mind that it was over for both of them. The fact is that this man had gone home to get married to another lady. My friend vows to kill both of them. It sounds creepy to hear her swearing and plotting.

5.0 ‘May I ASK THE BOSS: what is in it for our womenfolk who waste their time and resources on such relationships? Is there a need to harm oneself or others when things crumble on us? I know that if you feature this, a good number of people especially ladies will learn one or two lessons. Many thanks, The Boss’!

6.0 My Take: My Dear Ms. Ekpenyong, we would never be able to say enough on the matter of love. And even if we had all that time and space and sense, it will be difficult if not impossible for anyone who is in love to see why we were wasting our energy. Yes, that’s the point: a person in love can barely see your warning signs. And you can’t blame such a one; after all, love is blind.

7.0 Meaning you cannot be said to be in love if you are not blind. That is, if you still can see sense. However, when a lover changes status from sweetheart to victim, a love victim, they become sober and open to sense. It’s funny, but that’s how it is: we have to wait for love to go sour before one or both persons involved can listen or hear counsel clearly.

8.0 Yet, no matter the hurt or the imminent danger, emotional sparks occasioned by a fantastic memory or a picturesque desire can ignite a relapse. That explains why you could have love partners fighting dirty and splitting today but they come back together sooner than later and carry on as if nothing ever happened. Well, until things go kaput again. 95% of the time, love things go kaput; love things go south.

9.0 Enough said, Ms. Mary Ekpenyong. Let’s now talk about your friend, the live-in lover. So, she serviced this guy for five years like a wife, right? And after the abortions she had for him, after the meals she cooked for him, after all the money she spent on him, plus all the other things a lady who lives with a man must do for and with him, the heartless guy dumped her and took another lady for wife.

10.0 Is that the charge? Yes? Without any further ado, the ASK THE BOSS court hereby acquits and discharges that man. He’s not guilty at all.

11.0 In fact, this case is a waste of the precious time of this online and aerial court. Come on, people, what on earth was the guy going to marry her for, having enjoyed all full benefits from her in advance?’… man-woman love is risky business; monkey business, really. There are no cast-in-concrete guarantees. Anything can go wrong, even in marriage. Those in love, as well as those angling to get in, should not forget the fact that anything can happen’.

12.0 It might sound harsh or old school, but the honourable thing for any young woman who does not want to be kicked around by any man is to wait for the man to propose, meet her family, marry her fully before she moves in with him. Anything less is both illegal and dishonourable. And we cannot begin to raise eyebrows when something that was, ab initio, a dishonourable illegality goes into gear two and worse. What can the righteous do when the foundation be destroyed, remember?

13.0 My last word to your friend will be for her to move on, because that is not her husband at least for now and up until such a time the status quo changes. Yes, miracles happen but get her to tell herself that that chapter has closed. That is the quickest way not only to heal but also to achieve closure. Remind her that we are wired to never put asunder what God had joined together.

14.0 Tell her The Boss has asked her to let the new couple be and just get busy. Also, that, she should not cease praying for her customised husband, who’s in the wings, just waiting for her to be ready to receive him. I wish her well. We wish you well!

15.0 As for the guy who tasted one for all of five years but chose another thereafter. Well, I can only preach that it is not good. Men must stop taking unnecessary advantage of women and women must stop playing wife in anticipation, when something had not been paid on their head -as we say in Nigeria. I am not oblivious, though, that this love thing hardly works in a straight line.16 Of course, the preferred woman could herself have foregone a guy she had been living with or one who saw her through university just so she would be his wife. Alas, love happened, love always happens. The way out is to love love, no matter how it pans out because there is always another out there for you. For crying out loud, there are over eight billion people on earth; which suggests that there cannot just be one lover for you!17.0 Nobody should hate love just because it didn’t work out with this or that person. Simon Peter toiled all night with nothing to show for it but his story changed when he heeded divine instruction, moved away and cast his net somewhere else. The estranged lover who wants to kill self or another because things didn’t work out is a false lover. Love never faints, love never hates, love never kills, love never teaches a lesson, love never wants to prove a point.

Conclusion: These are take-home points: man-woman love is risky business; monkey business, really. There are no cast-in-concrete guarantees. Anything can go wrong, even in marriage. Those in love, as well as those angling to get in, should not forget the fact that anything can happen.However, when that anything happens, ASK THE BOSS advises the aggrieved partner to know that a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage, and even so, that divorce is not the end of life. One more thing: here’s a free love advice you should never forget. Love is blind; yes, but if you are in, please, please, please, try and keep at least one one eye open.

God bless Nigeria!

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