By Kevin Nengia
For the past one week now The “Plantain” and “Ogologonma “crooner have been on the lips and pages of social media bloggers. The Bayelsa born singer loves controversy and one thing you can’t take away from him is that he has an iconoclastic approach to issues, that may be due to his ragamuffin style of performance.
That said. Timaya was said to have poured bile on majority of Nigerian ladies who make money and not love their priority when it comes to relationships. He criticised them for their entitlement mentality- instead of helping the man” he said,” our ladies will ask for money and more money”. For him, these gold digging sets of beings don’t care whether the man dies or lives as far as he’s providing for them even without emotional attachment.
Timaya is talking from experience; he has about two different baby mama’s and has not been lucky like OBO in relationships, after his last stint with Empress Njamah. Some weeks before now, he had posted about his past life and how he escaped from been destroyed by drugs. Timaya is a very introspective personality and many people gloss over that. He came from a poor background and talks from experience. He knew how he started life and at the point of his breakthrough in music and how he struggled to be afloat in an industry filled with sharks is what humbles him. No person from such background as Timaya fails to look at his past.
The famous “Dey Your Dey ” crooner knows that relationship is key to success and that is why he may be warning guys from similar background.
Aside that, Timaya maybe reeling from pain – a sense of loss from his relationship with Empress Njamah. It seem to me that he’s yet to get over the way Njamah treated him. A man’s deep quest for love can help in self revelation.
Coming to the issue of Nigerian ladies and their mental constructs when it comes to love, I believe that to a large extent the Church should be blamed, especially the new Pentecostal churches. Most of our grandparents who married in Orthodox churches had serious counselling that made them see marriage and relationships as give and take. Now these churches preach that,” a man who cannot provide for the family is an infidel”. Their doctrines are shaded in the belief that man is a failure if he cannot provide for his family. That may not be totally true-The Bible is full of illustrations that underscores symbiosis. Jacob married four wives and as a shepherd catered for them because those women saw him as their Lord. No woman wants to do that these days.
To make a long matter short, let me point out that most Nigerian ladies also come from poor background, but even at that I have come to discover that family values matter. If you meet a lady from a poor background plus poor value orientation your sure to be fleeced and not loved.
Many ladies today are looking for who to lift them out of poverty;They do not see marriage as union but as a business of exploitation.
Our society has made things worse: The values we preach are not intrinsic but extrinsic. For us, wealth is the ultimate and if a man does not have it he’s not loved and valued. The influence of social media, political leaders and many public personalities is also to be blamed.
How I wish young men could be introspective as Timaya. They need to look very deep before marrying. Real love can take one far, but money can only provide a fleeting experience which often lead to yearning for something deeper that it can’t provide.
Kevin Nengia, a Journalist , an author and prolific writer wrote in from Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
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